1) Accept and respect childrenʼs fears. Fears are real to children, so donʼt laugh or say their fears are not real. Children will grow out of most fears. First, they need to learn skills to deal with fears. These skills will help them for the rest of their life. Take time to teach coping skills.
2) Spend extra time with your children when they seem to be afraid. During storms or at bedtime might be times when children need special attention. Combined with fears of the dark, other fears look larger. Bedtime routines like a song or a story can be comforting.
3) Establish a predictable routine. This makes your children feel secure in their world. It helps them to know what to expect.
4) Talk about feeling scared. It is important for children to learn to talk about all of their feelings, including fear. When a child looks as if he is scared, you can say to him, “You are biting your fi ngernails. Does that mean you feel scared?” This helps children to name what they feel. It also helps you learn how each of your children shows their fears. Some children will suck their thumb. Some will fi dget. Some will whine and complain more. When you talk with them about being scared, you are helping them to learn to talk about all of their feelings. If you see your children looking scared,
talking about their feelings gives them a chance to
tell you why they are scared.
5) Use play to talk about fears. It might help to use dolls, puppets, stories, and art to talk about being
afraid. The children could act out their fears; this gives them a sense of control. Ask them to talk about their drawings or other creations.
6) Help children learn about the things that scare them. Knowing how things work and what to expect can make things less scary. Read books about why fi re trucks have sirens, or learn about thunder and lightning. Let your child know that it is okay to be a little afraid of some things — like dogs you donʼt know or strangers who ask you to get in their car.
7) Talk about your fears, too. Children need to know that adults have different kinds of feelings. They need to see how adults deal with feelings like fear. Name your feelings, so children learn to express their feelings with words. Talk about how fear makes you feel in your body to help your child connect physical feelings with their emotions. Tell them what you do to feel better.
8) Recognize courage. Tell your children when you notice them being brave and trying something that scares them. For example you could say, “When we walked by the dog, you didnʼt ask to be picked up, but just held my hand tightly. Good for you, you are getting brave!”
9) Make suggestions for coping with fear. Ask your children what would help them feel less afraid. Talk about how you coped with fears when you were a child. Teaching your child about relaxation breathing can also help. If pictures of bombs and shooting scare your child, limit time watching TV and the news. If your child is scared of the dark, suggest sleeping with the door open. Asking them what will help them teaches them problem-solving skills.
Fear: Blood/ Injury/ Illness/ Doctors
Why is my child afraid: Children know that injuries and sickness do happen. They know they can get hurt. Blood is scary because it is related to pain and because children at some ages are sensitive to body fl uids.
How to cope with this fear: Listen to your childrenʼs fears. Talk to them about safety. Play doctor. Read books about going to the doctor or hospital. Have your children watch you get a blood test done or go to
the dentist.
Books addressing children’s fears:
Reference: Goetze, G. (2004). Helping Children Overcome Fears. 1-88. Purdue University Pub, 2-3.
2) Spend extra time with your children when they seem to be afraid. During storms or at bedtime might be times when children need special attention. Combined with fears of the dark, other fears look larger. Bedtime routines like a song or a story can be comforting.
3) Establish a predictable routine. This makes your children feel secure in their world. It helps them to know what to expect.
4) Talk about feeling scared. It is important for children to learn to talk about all of their feelings, including fear. When a child looks as if he is scared, you can say to him, “You are biting your fi ngernails. Does that mean you feel scared?” This helps children to name what they feel. It also helps you learn how each of your children shows their fears. Some children will suck their thumb. Some will fi dget. Some will whine and complain more. When you talk with them about being scared, you are helping them to learn to talk about all of their feelings. If you see your children looking scared,
talking about their feelings gives them a chance to
tell you why they are scared.
5) Use play to talk about fears. It might help to use dolls, puppets, stories, and art to talk about being
afraid. The children could act out their fears; this gives them a sense of control. Ask them to talk about their drawings or other creations.
6) Help children learn about the things that scare them. Knowing how things work and what to expect can make things less scary. Read books about why fi re trucks have sirens, or learn about thunder and lightning. Let your child know that it is okay to be a little afraid of some things — like dogs you donʼt know or strangers who ask you to get in their car.
7) Talk about your fears, too. Children need to know that adults have different kinds of feelings. They need to see how adults deal with feelings like fear. Name your feelings, so children learn to express their feelings with words. Talk about how fear makes you feel in your body to help your child connect physical feelings with their emotions. Tell them what you do to feel better.
8) Recognize courage. Tell your children when you notice them being brave and trying something that scares them. For example you could say, “When we walked by the dog, you didnʼt ask to be picked up, but just held my hand tightly. Good for you, you are getting brave!”
9) Make suggestions for coping with fear. Ask your children what would help them feel less afraid. Talk about how you coped with fears when you were a child. Teaching your child about relaxation breathing can also help. If pictures of bombs and shooting scare your child, limit time watching TV and the news. If your child is scared of the dark, suggest sleeping with the door open. Asking them what will help them teaches them problem-solving skills.
Fear: Blood/ Injury/ Illness/ Doctors
Why is my child afraid: Children know that injuries and sickness do happen. They know they can get hurt. Blood is scary because it is related to pain and because children at some ages are sensitive to body fl uids.
How to cope with this fear: Listen to your childrenʼs fears. Talk to them about safety. Play doctor. Read books about going to the doctor or hospital. Have your children watch you get a blood test done or go to
the dentist.
Books addressing children’s fears:
- Garber, S., Garber, M.D. & Spizman, R.F. (1993). Monsters under the Bed and Other Childhood Fears: Helping Your Child Overcome Anxieties, Fears, and Phobias. New York, NY: Villard Books. (User friendly; easy to read. A great resource. Individual chapters deal with specifi c fears. Practical and concrete suggestions.)
- Greenspan, S. (2002). The Secure Child: Helping Our Children Feel Safe and Confi dent in an Insecure World. Cambridge, MA: Perseus Publishing. (How to help your children feel safe. Academic but practical.)
- Eisenberg, A., Murkoff, H., & Hathaway, S. (1994). What to Expect the Toddler Years. New York, NY: Workman. (Popular book on raising children. Includes basic information on fears and discipline.
- Leach, P. (1997). Your Baby and Child: From Birth to Age Five (3rd ed. revised). New York, NY:
Knopf. (Comprehensive resource on parenting up to age 5. Includes information on fears and night terrors, discipline and guidance.)
Reference: Goetze, G. (2004). Helping Children Overcome Fears. 1-88. Purdue University Pub, 2-3.
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